My brother spoke of honor often, the primary virtue of his Nordic Gods. Nevermind the offense to my monotheistic, and then atheistic sensibilities, I don’t think he knew what it meant.
I think he meant valor or ego, he wanted to risk much and die bravely, for honor. Which really meant without fear, and for recognition.
Honor isn’t a thing in itself, it is your relationship with or behavior toward a set of ideals. It isn’t the respect given to you, it is the respect you give something else. You honor your word, you do the honorable thing. Sure, you are honored to receive the esteem of something you hold in high esteem, but then you are the thing held high, you are the ideal. You are so, not of your own accord, but because you embody the mututally agreed upon values, as in the case of “Your Honor.” Once again, it has nothing to do with you.
You can’t die with honor if you die for nothing, brother. You need a cause, a purpose, an unshakable belief in something bigger than yourself. A martyr dies for his faith in Jesus or Muhammed or John Smith or whoever, but not in general, “For Ideals.”
What is it that you believe in? Do you believe in love? Equality? Justice? Do you believe in anything at all, or is your aim to make the world believe in you?